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Criminal Justice
Tim
Allen, comedian, had this to say about Martha Stewart:
"Boy, I feel safer now that she's behind bars. O.J & Kobe are walking
around,
but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean and work
in the yard and haul her to jail." What a country!!
In
honor of a former
redneck President . . .
A what in hot water?
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking
America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in
honor of one of the nations' most distinguished men. It
consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
The great imitator
Just watched a show on television. There was a black
comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's
right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we
ever got to having a black man as President.
Number 1- He played the sax.
Number 2- He smoked weed.
Number 3-He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't!
And, he gets a check from the government every month.
New Chrysler car
Chrysler
Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor
Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be in production in
Canada this year.
Avoided them . .
.
When asked what he thought about foreign
affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know,! I never had
one."
Revised oath. . .
The Clinton
revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the
truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to
be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Hanky panky . . .
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only
President to do hanky panky between Bushes.
Presidential advice
One
night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's
ghost. Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best
thing I could do to help the country?"
Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,"
advised George."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved
through the dark bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the
country?" Bush asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet
another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham
Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the
country?" Bush asked.
"Go to the theater," replied Abe.
Now who's
the Aggressor?
Dan
Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a US Marine
were hiking through the desert one day when they were
captured by Syrian and Iranian "insurgents" in Fallujah. They were tied up and brought before the leader.
The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom
of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill
and dismember you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one
last bowl of hot, spicy chili." The leader nodded to an
underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather
ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
Peter Jennings said "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear
the Canadian National Anthem one last time". The leader
nodded to a terrorist who returned with some rag-tag
musicians and played the music. Jennings sighed and
declared he could now die peacefully.
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want
to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here
and what's about to happen. Maybe someone will hear it
and know that I was on the job till the end."
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape
recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then
said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Marine, what is
your final wish?"
"Kick me in the rear," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last
hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,"
insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the
open, and kicked him in the rear.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees,
pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot
the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to
his knapsack, pulled out an assault rifle , and sprayed
the terrorist! s with gunfire. In a flash, the
"insurgents" were dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings and Roberts,
they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did
you ask them to kick you in the rear?"
The Marine responded, "What!? And have you three call ME
the aggressor?"
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